Trials and Tribulations of Mommyhood

As a relatively new mom, I have become privy to some of the day-to-day occurrences that one faces with a growing child. For example, in the beginning I discovered just what evil my precious, little, angel was actually capable of inflicting upon his father and me. At any moment, day or night, safely in the privacy of our home or amidst the shocked eyes of onlookers our son’s diaper could spontaneously explode without an iota of warning. The first such occasion happened one warm, sunny morning; there we were, having breakfast, enjoying some casual conversation (mostly about our new edition). This was our first venture out into public with our newborn son. Then it happened. Bright and yellow it shot erratically from every possible direction! My son’s diaper was self destructing and all its contents landed like shrapnel around us. My husband holding the baby in one hand and his fork in the other as I frantically grabbed for every napkin I could find. The look of pure shock and disbelief unfurling across his face was disturbing. Still new at “baby in public” etiquette, we sat for a moment discussing how to handle the situation. As discreetly as possible-- as if discretion was even a possibility--my husband passed the baby across the table and I whisked him off to the restroom. Luckily, the restaurant was so busy we went virtually unnoticed. No one ever warned me of this potential for exploding diapers. I was hardly prepared for such an occasion and I blame every mother I know for this. Unfortunately for my husband he would come to experience many more volatile bowel movements from our boy among other bodily events. It would seem if there was a function to be had by our son; my husband would be the one to bear it…or rather wear the brunt of it. Urine, poop, vomit, my husband has been covered from head to toe at one time or another. Now our little boy is one and his poop has come full circle--no longer bursting from the seams of his diapers. I can only thank the gods. He instead grabs the diaper before you have completely cleaned his hiney and he hurls it across the room as if it were a live grenade. There is a definite theme going on here. Amazingly, I still love him.